William Joseph: A Prime Target

William Joseph posted this on his website today about his touring with Clay last year and how Clay loved to play pranks on him. After reading this, there's should be no doubt that Clay was the tour's resident prankster.

Before the tour started I was having dinner with Clay and a few other people. The topic came up of how Clay loved to play pranks. He proceded to tell me all of the funny and cruel things he has done to fellow performers. He is definitely a prankster and loves it. He told me that because I was the opening act I was a
"prime target".

Throughout the tour I was always keeping my eyes open just in case. After Christmas everyone was much more relaxed on the tour and people started joking around much more. When I arrived at the venue for the final show of the tour I suddenly remembered what Clay had told me during dinner a few months ago. I walked through the halls wondering, "Is tonight the night"? I observed everyone as I walked around and I just knew something was going to happen. I started to get nervous because I really had no way of knowing what would happen. I didn't know if it would happen before the show, during the show, or after the show, or maybe it wouldn't happen at all. (Wishfull Thinking).

Two hours before the show a meeting was called. We were told that because this was a Christmas show, Clay did not want any pranks going on. It was said that if there were pranks they needed to be done behind the curtain so the audience would not see them. Gerome then asked, "Does anyone have any questions"? I spoke up and asked, "Does that include me"? He said, "William, you are fair game". While everyone laughed I think my heart skipped a beat. I don't like pranks... Especially in front of an audience.

Well by the time I came out to perform I was ready for anything. As I walked out on stage the smoke machine was going so it made it hard to see. I remember looking around for anything to happen. Right before I sat down I noticed that the holes in the cushion of my piano bench were overflowing with water. Great!! I tipped the bench over to dump out the water and it was then on the stage. I asked for a towel but of course I wasn't given one. A nice lady in the front row handed me a tissue from her purse. I used it (not for my nose) but one single tissue didn't do much for a half a gallon of water. I finally sat down on the cold damp bench wondering what would happen next. Then came a handfull of more exciting events. While I was playing Kashmir, Clay started talking into a mic so that I was the only one that could hear him in my ears. He said, "Hi William, This is Clay... I just wanted to tell you how much we enjoyed having you on the tour... I want to see how well you can keep time... Good Luck". Well... Two seconds later a song was blasted into my earpiece which made it hard to follow along with the orchestra and drums that I was playing along with. I managed to hang in and stay with the beat and then... They turned it up even louder. I couldn't hear a thing. I just kept playing hoping I could keep the beat but I knew I was out of sync. Well after about 60 seconds of playing and not hearing anything but this blasting music they finally turned it off and I could hear my track again. I was about 5 seconds ahead of the track and can only imagine how bad it sounded to the audience. What was worse is that the audience didn't know what was happening while I was playing out of time. AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Another thing that happened... While I was playing, one of the crew members came out on stage and put a lamp on the piano. Random. Then they turned off the lights and at one point I was playing without any light.

People kept talking in my ears and I couldn't concentrate on what I was saying to the audience. Finally I gave up and took the earpiece out and played Great Balls of Fire. I felt like my show was shot so what the heck!! Then I played a song laying on the bench with my hands crossed. What the heck!!!

During my last piece two crew members came out on stage and pulled the curtain apart and put it back together with me behind the curtain. I was then playing backstage in the dark. Clay was standing there laughing but I just couldn't let him "win". While trying to play Austurias backstage in the dark, I used one hand to throw the curtain open so I could finish my last piece. I barely pulled it off.

When I walked off the stage I was absolutely drained! I felt beat up. I was laughing at all of the absurd things I had just gone through. Everyone was coming up to me congratulating me for surviving. (As if I had a choice). I finally saw Clay and said, "You JERK"!!! We both laughed and he gave me a hug. He sure got me!!

William Joseph